I’m gonna get real right now, because this has been a discussion I’ve had with a few men in the last week, and something I am both passionate about disarming the enemy and most importantly getting my brothers (and sisters) free. I HATE lust/porn and the ABUSE the enemy does to people in both the industry and those addicted.
Here is my story:
I got freed from porn late December 2023. God told me that He didn’t just pay for my forgiveness, but my freedom too. I took Him at His word, even though I struggled with porn for over 30 years. I believed prior to this that I would never be free. I had begged God constantly for decades to be delivered from it.
I believed what God said and knew that I was free now, not eventually. I also changed my behavior. I had to analyze what patterns I fell into each time I looked at porn.
1. Staying up late:
I have consistently been going to bed earlier each night (except a handful of nights) for the last 11 months. One reason is staying up late and being alone on my computer made it really hard to fight the temptation since my mind and body were both too weak and tired.
2. Being alone in the house:
I would sometimes be completely alone in my home and often gave into temptation when that happened, due to no one available to hold me accountable. I changed this behavior by keeping myself occupied purposely during these times, and staying off the computer, especially during these first few months.
Your patterns may differ, but take the time to analyze them and this will help disarm the enemy and your own body/temptation.
I actually didn’t realize I hadn’t looked at porn until several months later. I shared my progress with our men’s group at church. One other thing I learned that was similar to giving up alcohol, was the more you starve the beast, the quicker it dies.
I am someone who is very real, one who struggled for decades, and someone who is really freed from porn. God didn’t free me just for me, but for others too. Freedom is very real. It does take work on our part. But it gets easier over time.
All that said, I would encourage you to love your spouse by outdoing them in their love language. They may not have her needs met, and their love language might not be the same as yours.
An example is that I was in a similar place with my wife a while back. I started doing chores around the house a ton more, as one of her love languages is helps. I also chose to spend more time with her, not with any agenda, but to enjoy her company and to simply love her. She in turn over time met my needs and love languages.
It’s not too late to remedy division between spouses with God’s help and hard work. Always try to out-love one another. You can’t go wrong. And keep God as the center of your relationship. Talk about Him often. PRAY TOGETHER! The devil hates that! Love without any agenda. If you do this, you don’t need to perform to get each other’s needs met. It will be a beautiful byproduct of loving one another.
